Today, I want to share some of the lies depression told me. I believe that clinical depression is a complex medical issue. It is like an onion with many layers and each needs to be tended to. It can be physiological, spiritual, emotional, relational, hormonal, and environmental, circumstantial or all over the above. For me it was all of these things, making it a deadly storm. So here are five of the lies depression has told me:
The world was better off without me.
At my worst, I believed this to the core. It’s hard to imagine, but I really did believe my friends and family would be better off without me. Today, I believe the world is more beautiful with me in it.
I didn’t have depression – I was just a horrible person who deserved to suffer.
The self-blame that comes with severe depression is debilitating. You become the world’s ugliest and most evil person and you believe you are no longer deserving of good and lovely things.
That there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
Throughout my hospitalizations, my mom and other people would repeatedly say, “There is light at the end of the tunnel.” The idea that there was even an ounce of hope was unimaginable. But the reality is there was right and I have seen many a sunny days since.
That I was irredeemably flawed.
Like the devil, depression is a merciless liar. Depression made me believe I was flawed beyond repair and that I was a lost cause.
That my depression was my fault.
Every time I’ve been severely depressed I placed 100% of the blame on myself. I just couldn’t accept that it was a chemical imbalance and that it was out of my of control. I found it hard to accept that it was a chaos of chemical imbalances or a medical issue which I didn’t have control over.
Have you ever struggled with clinical depression? What are the lies your depression told you?
Photo by Chelsea Steller