Let’s be honest. This fun and silly, and often sinister app can easily consume our every spare moment if we let it. And steal our joy! And unfortunately, for many it does. 15% of teen girls spend more than forty hours on a it week! It is designed to be highly addictive and to keep you consuming its content for as long as possible which ultimately results in more advertising dollars for Meta. While there is nothing inherently wrong with using the app and while it has many benefits, it is important for our well being and peace of mind to keep our usage in check.
I got Instagram and Facebook right when they come out. I enjoyed using them at first — sharing updates with friends, reconnecting with old schoolmates, and forming relationships with new people. But once the algorithms changed to make me addicted, and I began to overuse it, I loathed the way it made me feel.
That led me to take an extended social media break, and return to it in a way that I mastered it so it no longer mastered me. This was part of the inspiration behind my book Social Media Reset: A 30-Day Guided Journey to Unplug, Reconnect with God, and Reclaim Your Joy.
If you are struggling with your relationship with Instagram especially, or any social media, have hope — you can master social media so it doesn’t master you, but I strongly recommend you take a 30-day social media break from it first to help you gain perspective on it’s impact on you.
Here are some suggestions that can help you cultivate a more peaceful relationship with it:
Be okay with having a private profile and not gaining “followers”
For full disclosure, even though I have a balanced relationship with social media now, I can be a bit neurotic with it at times! If you relate, have grace with yourself — this is true for the majority of girls and women who use it. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve switched from having a public account to a private one. I decided there are seasons for me to keep it private, and there might be other times in the future I want it public, but having it private and posting minimally gives me the most peace, however, I do also want to share my work with the world, so it’s tricky for me.
In the past, every time time I gained a new follower I felt as though my worth increased. And if I saw my number of followers decrease suddenly after a certain post I felt icky and insecure. Eventually I realized this was not good for my personal well being, but, now I have learned to not let that affect me as much. But honestly, it still can at times, because they designed it to prey upon our God-given desires to be liked, seen, and known (so have grace with yourself).
Sidenote: Of course there can be many positive things that can come from having an open account. If you are building a business or like having a public account that is fine of course, but I encourage you to be on guard as you probably know by now there are many haters and creepers eager and willing to tear you down. And many sexual predators. Be on guard, and make a wise decision to protect yourself. But dear, girls, if you are under 18, do not have a public account (I’ll have to explain more on this later!).
Avoid the “explore” section of the app
So you know that little magnifying glass icon, well it’s a dangerous icon to touch. Instagram knows so much about our likes and preferences based off how we interact on the app and they strategically place content in front of your eyes that is like social media crack and which often creates envy and discontentment. It makes me think of the wise phrase “stay in your lane” which to me says “love your life, not hers.” Call me old fashioned, but I don’t believe we’ve been designed to know the intimate details of strangers lives and look at photos of women’s bodies than can lead us to objectify them. My advice is to be in tune with how you feel after you view someone’s content. If you feel positive, empowered, and more confident then go for it – follow their account. But if you find that you are feeling envious or icky or just annoyed, it’s not worth your precious peace of mind.
Stick to mostly following people you know offline and have a positive relationship with
For several years I followed women I never met before. I was often inspired by what they had to share, but often I felt like I was spying on individuals’ personal lives at the expense of investing in my own life. And eventually, although they inspired me at first, before long, I often developed feelings of envy. Over ten years ago I decided follow people who are friends and that I have positive in-person relationships with, unless I really want to build a relationship with them. And I mostly don’t follow celebrities and influencers. The original design for social media (before they got greedy and manipulative) was to stay connected to people you have a personal relationship with, so keep that in mind as you choose who to follow.
Have usage boundaries with the app
Okay, well you’ll, have to read Social Media Reset, to get these! I list 15 in the back of the book, and share my number one unconventional boundary that broke my addiction forever.
Remember you don’t need Instagram and you can have an awesome, full and beautiful life without it!
Know that you don’t have to be like everyone else, and you can live your one wild and precious life without Instagram or even any social media! I think being mysterious online is awesome so you can live wide-awake offline! You’ll be a lot happier and more successful than others who are glued to their screens watching other people’s lives unfold. Your mental health and peace of mind is of the utmost importance so do what you need to do to protect it and fight for you.
The bottom line is your life is precious, wild, irreplaceable, and fleeting. We are called to spend our minutes, hours and days wisely as they are a gift. So Instagram or not, make a decision to live your best life, guard your heart and love your life, not hers. I can’t wait for you to take the Social Media Reset journey with me!
With Joy,
Allie
